image credit: maureenld [Flickr]
The exceptional for others has to start with the exceptional for ourselves. We have to feel exceptional and be exceptional in order to provide the same. But how do we find the exceptional in ourselves, when mostly we are just trying to survive – the next deadline, the next meeting, the next commute to work… and the next and the next.
In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert tells us that we are the only species that plans, and that planning takes place all up in our heads. In the meantime, what our bodies are up to is no different than what the rest of the mammals on this planet are up to, and that is “nexting”, which means just what it says. We think we plan, we think we anticipate, we even think we create, but mostly what we really do is deal with the next thing coming at us, full speed, to infinity.
It’s not specific to work or personal life, it’s just life, happening, and we do whatever is the next most important thing, and then we do the next thing after that.
So, where can the exceptional be found, mired in the sea of next?

Listening to Ani DiFranco sing Joyful Girl is a profound experience for me. Acoustic guitar and outstanding vocals not withstanding, it is the lyrics that hold me spellbound. “I do it for the joy it brings, because I’m a joyful girl. I do it because the world owes me nothing and we owe each other the world. I do it because I want to, I just want to.” And this is, I believe, the key to the exceptional – simply wanting to have it, and then being willing to do whatever it takes.
We are selfish, even the most altruistic of us is fulfilling on something for ourselves, trading whatever we give for a very rich pay check – be it in the form of status, regard, avoiding pain or loss of face, or simple ego inflation. In this life, we are united, all of us, down to our very toes, in that we are all simply trying to achieve a more exceptional experience for ourselves. That we fall so far short of the mark, so often, has more to do with ourselves, and less to do with others or our circumstances than we may think. It may be that all that was missing from our experiences being rich and extraordinary was our own willingness. We just don’t want it enough to walk the talk.
Recently it was brought to my attention that my neighbourhood, Parkdale – High Park, in Toronto, plays host to the largest Tibetan community outside of Nepal. The Dalai Lama has long taught forgiveness, acceptance and compassion, and these values are ones which the Tibetan people have had to embrace, at all costs. Enduring unbelievable atrocities and human rights violations is something that they will recount, tearfully, when asked. But when they wipe their tears what you will see, from the oldest to the youngest is the light that shines out of their eyes, their face, their very being. They choose, above all, to be joyful, to be accepting. They feel that no matter what they do next – be it rest, pray, work, celebrate or forgive, it must be done with acceptance, with compassion, with joy and love.
Eckhart Tolle in his book, A New Earth offers us three ingredients to happiness – acceptance, joy and enthusiasm. Either accept what you do not enjoy or stop doing what you don’t enjoy and can’t accept. Bring joy to everything you choose to do, and opportunities will arise for you to do the things you have enthusiasm for.
During the past year at Organic I was fortunate enough to be nominated for an “Exceptional Organic” award. I had the pleasure of being informed by senior management that I had achieved “rock star” status, meaning I was sought after talent for many projects. What exactly do I do that rocks for people? I am a copywriter. I write words on paper, that become words in cyberspace, nothing more than that, so how can that be exceptional?
I think why so many people want to work with me is because things get done without a lot of fuss around me. Projects hum together happily, my teams just work well together and ultimately we get a lot of positive reinforcement, which just spurs us on to greater experiences. And that is mostly because, when I want my day and my work to be exceptional, it is – for me and everyone around me.
I was not always a joyful girl. While I am generally able to suck it up at work, at home it has not gone without notice that I am quite obviously unhappy. At home, where I feel free to let my unhappiness hang out, unfettered, littering the couch with tissues and snacks, it has been pointed out that what’s really missing is just me – me, walking my talk. I am challenged, now, by my better half, to actually be who I really am, a joyful girl, no matter what the circumstances. And so, every morning I create myself that way – I give my word to who I am, and who I will be this day, and that is Joy. Not just when I feel like it, but even when I really don’t.
From the minute I step out of bed, until the moment I climb back in, I will be nexting. Nexting is not a choice, it’s a given. My only choice is how I next, who I am about the next thing, and the next after that. I’m challenged at the end of the day, to report on who I was that day, and what I provided – for myself, for my teams, for my partner. The results so far have been exceptional days and evenings, of feeling happier, more often – of increased affinity with coworkers, strangers and my beloved.
So, why do I bother to try to ensure my days are filled with the exceptional? I do it for the joy it brings, because I’m a joyful girl. I do it because I want to, I just want to.
Molly Bennett